Love and Other Drugs

SPOILER ALERT:
Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway got me to thinking the other night when I saw Love and Other Drugs. By the way it was cute flick - your ordinary romantic comedy (with a whole lot of intercourse - long way from Princess Diaries for Anne). Moving on, it got me to thinking about when you spill the beans about having a chronic health condition in a courting situation.

Unfortunately for Anne's character he learned by being sneaky and a peeping tom, but how soon is too soon to disclose your health issues?

I'm not talking cancer or AIDs, but maybe Lupus, Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis or in my case Fibromyalgia. Something that effects your daily living, but it isn't necessarily noticeable. I've taken the don't tell at all, don't tell until we are official, don't tell until he can't fathom why I can't get out of bed approaches and I still don't know when the time is right. It isn't exactly the easiest condition/ailment to explain.

So that was the first thing the movie got me thinking about. Second, I was scared shytless by her defense mechanism. I could totally see myself in her because at times it's much easier to do shyt to make them leave you alone then to allow them in and take the chance of them resenting you for becoming your care taker.

Love and drugs, I can't live with or without them.

Courtship 2010, part 2 – Who pays?

Talk about drama. This issue is so touchy and it should absolutely not be.

FELLAS – I don’t care if it isn’t 1964. I wouldn’t care if it was 3022. No matter what year it is, you should always be paying for the first three dates. No discussion. Now where some of you go wrong is you take these females to five star steakhouses on the first date and then complain that she is too high maintenance. Don’t set ya self up for failure because she is going to, as she should, expect that level of treatment from there on out. McDonalds isn’t acceptable but a decent mid-range restaurant is the way to go. And oh, if you are dating a chick like me – don’t assume because I may have mentioned staying in shape that I’m going to order the soup and salad. I like to eat. I like to eat a lot. So if you are thinking steak, I’m probably thinking lobster with a bite of your steak on the side. If you are digging this chick and after the first three dates with absolutely no question about you paying for the first three, homegirl should at least be offering to get the drinks or tip. If she doesn’t keep it gentlemen like, pay the bill. After that you have options. And just because you were buying, doesn’t mean she needs to be paying (don’t act like you don’t know what I mean). No meal is going to impress me into rewarding you with the goods.

LADIES – When the check comes, don’t get timid. Remain calm and let him reach for his wallet. Now, if he just looks at you and doesn’t pick up the bill– then reach for your purse and say it was real and then dip. Don’t ever consider talking to a dude who isn’t paying for the first date. But also please don’t walk around singing I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T if you aren’t open to the idea of paying for a night out with the guy you like after the first three dates. A real independent woman always comes prepared and offers. Some say a true gentleman should never accept the offer, but I think that depends on the level of your courtship. And don’t feed him that BS about your time being valuable because his is too. There is always another hungry female waiting for her opp and you might have just lost out because of your Vivica Fox having attitude.


Men paying for the first three dates is considered a basic to me that doesn’t go away with time. Here are some other basics that baby boys of the 80s seem to forget:

Open the door and let her walk thru first

Open the car door (If everything weren’t so high tech I’d remind ladies of the “Bronx Tale” rule on this one)

Let her order her food/drink first (This really really irritates me)

You walk on the outside of the curb (Go find a daddy and ask him if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

If she is driving and you stop for gas…you are expected to pump it (not pay it)

Don’t pull off before she gets in the house

If she is leaving your crib at a walk of shame hour – see her to her car

Courting in 2010, part 1

Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl go on first date. All goes well. Boy and girl talk on phone. Boy and girl go on multiple dates. Girl probably thinks they are dating. Boy thinks nothing.

Forget age, race, or even gender…what clarifies each stage of courtship? Dating, Talking, Relationship. No one knows apparently.

As a single woman, it has become quite apparent that everyone has a different definition of dating. So I’ve set out on this journey to inform others that we are all sending/getting mixed signals because we are all reading a different version of Webster.

I’ve been asking around and here are some responses I’ve gotten:

“Talking and dating are same thing. Talking to several people. Neither establishes a commitment. Just like a pre approval” –male

“After a guy and girl go on a few dates that is dating, but girls often assume that means exclusive dating.” – female

“Talking is more serious than dating” – male

“We aren’t dating unless I’m getting it in” – male

“Men don’t date unless they are having sex” – male

“Talking seems to be more serious than dating, dating is more casual” - female

"Hookups are the difference between talking and dating" -female

"Dating is non exclusive - getting to know each other stage. You can date with or without sex being a factor" - female

DC Excuses

I'm suppose to overlook a grown man not having a car just because he lives in the DMV (DC-Maryland-Virginia) area. Well, brothas and Peters, if that is the case then here are my DC excuses:


I don't have to have pretty feet because I do so much damn walking in DC

I don't have to have long straight silky hair every day because it's too hott and humid for all that

I don't have to carry the cute, dainty little clutches because I need to take my life with me on the metro. So, yes I'm carrying a damn suitcase. You never know how long you will be waiting underground.

I don't have to be domesticated because there is a restaurant for you to take me to every night of the year

Anything I missed ladies???

How many 'Diva Dudes' do you know?

Defining the Diva Dude - FULL ENTRY

Preview:: an epidemic unique to the black community, the “diva dude” describes the mindset created in certain faulty brothas, developed after reading and hearing about the “good black male shortage” supposedly sweeping through the country at a pandemic rate.

it’s a condition, an aura which basically lets every eligible woman within a 25 mile radius know “look, i’ve read the same articles that you have, and since i’m such an “endangered species“, i pretty much have carte blanche to do whatever the hell I want with you. kiss the ring, desperate b*tch”.

they’re walking among us, twirling blue and white sticks and passive-aggressively suggesting dutch first dates as we speak, and it’s one of vsb’s crime-fighting duties to locate and brand them before they continue to poison the already murky dating pool.

here are a few characteristics and behaviors synonymous of the diva dude. If any man possesses seven or more of these traits, he qualifies.think of this as a dating DSM-IV

vh1: AshGamm just forwarded the above link to me and I literally had to LOL at my desk. This entry from two years ago was recently updated and OH BOY is it still true. These DD's are swarming society - terrorizing, torturing, tormenting and any other terrible t-word you can think of. They think young, black, beautiful and educated women will put up with the whackness they exude BUT guess again fellas. We may be single, but we aren't stupid.