Courtship 2010, part 2 – Who pays?

Talk about drama. This issue is so touchy and it should absolutely not be.

FELLAS – I don’t care if it isn’t 1964. I wouldn’t care if it was 3022. No matter what year it is, you should always be paying for the first three dates. No discussion. Now where some of you go wrong is you take these females to five star steakhouses on the first date and then complain that she is too high maintenance. Don’t set ya self up for failure because she is going to, as she should, expect that level of treatment from there on out. McDonalds isn’t acceptable but a decent mid-range restaurant is the way to go. And oh, if you are dating a chick like me – don’t assume because I may have mentioned staying in shape that I’m going to order the soup and salad. I like to eat. I like to eat a lot. So if you are thinking steak, I’m probably thinking lobster with a bite of your steak on the side. If you are digging this chick and after the first three dates with absolutely no question about you paying for the first three, homegirl should at least be offering to get the drinks or tip. If she doesn’t keep it gentlemen like, pay the bill. After that you have options. And just because you were buying, doesn’t mean she needs to be paying (don’t act like you don’t know what I mean). No meal is going to impress me into rewarding you with the goods.

LADIES – When the check comes, don’t get timid. Remain calm and let him reach for his wallet. Now, if he just looks at you and doesn’t pick up the bill– then reach for your purse and say it was real and then dip. Don’t ever consider talking to a dude who isn’t paying for the first date. But also please don’t walk around singing I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T if you aren’t open to the idea of paying for a night out with the guy you like after the first three dates. A real independent woman always comes prepared and offers. Some say a true gentleman should never accept the offer, but I think that depends on the level of your courtship. And don’t feed him that BS about your time being valuable because his is too. There is always another hungry female waiting for her opp and you might have just lost out because of your Vivica Fox having attitude.


Men paying for the first three dates is considered a basic to me that doesn’t go away with time. Here are some other basics that baby boys of the 80s seem to forget:

Open the door and let her walk thru first

Open the car door (If everything weren’t so high tech I’d remind ladies of the “Bronx Tale” rule on this one)

Let her order her food/drink first (This really really irritates me)

You walk on the outside of the curb (Go find a daddy and ask him if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

If she is driving and you stop for gas…you are expected to pump it (not pay it)

Don’t pull off before she gets in the house

If she is leaving your crib at a walk of shame hour – see her to her car

August 29, 2010 - Will she be back?

What young girl was changed by Lauryn Hill's first solo album?

The Miseducation was probably the first album I really LISTENED to. My virgoness kicked in back in '98 and I became obsessed. I wanted her hair, her lipstick, her swag. I wanted to be her.

The obsession eventually tinkered down to an admiration for what I saw as a young and wise black woman who represented what it meant to stay true to yourself.

I've seen L. Boogie live twice, and every opp I get, I'll see her again.

So I was elated when Rock the Bells announced she would be on the tour and in DC on August 29th.

I could have cared less about Whitney's comeback, but this, this right here, I'm on pins and needles waiting for a new album.

Listen to her interview on NPR's All Things Considered here... http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128149135

Courting in 2010, part 1

Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl go on first date. All goes well. Boy and girl talk on phone. Boy and girl go on multiple dates. Girl probably thinks they are dating. Boy thinks nothing.

Forget age, race, or even gender…what clarifies each stage of courtship? Dating, Talking, Relationship. No one knows apparently.

As a single woman, it has become quite apparent that everyone has a different definition of dating. So I’ve set out on this journey to inform others that we are all sending/getting mixed signals because we are all reading a different version of Webster.

I’ve been asking around and here are some responses I’ve gotten:

“Talking and dating are same thing. Talking to several people. Neither establishes a commitment. Just like a pre approval” –male

“After a guy and girl go on a few dates that is dating, but girls often assume that means exclusive dating.” – female

“Talking is more serious than dating” – male

“We aren’t dating unless I’m getting it in” – male

“Men don’t date unless they are having sex” – male

“Talking seems to be more serious than dating, dating is more casual” - female

"Hookups are the difference between talking and dating" -female

"Dating is non exclusive - getting to know each other stage. You can date with or without sex being a factor" - female

Why BET?

Now, I only saw the middle of the BET Awards last night, but really BET, why are your productions STILL so low budget?

I'm not into watching videos and I really don't know who sings the songs I like unless my XM radio tells me who they are, but I tuned in last night for the hell of it.

These were my observations:

1. Did TI not see "Set it Off," I was really irritated that he kept calling Queen Latifiah "Chloe" and "Cleo" during their skit.

2. I'm glad Kiki Palmer has parents. I was very pleased to see her dressed like a teenager. Lil girl has a banging body - glad she is keeping it age-appropriate.

3. Diddy Dumb Moveover - Will someone please escort him to the retirement lane. Yes, he is still producing hits and whatever else he does, but other than Ciroc - I need Diddy Dum Dum to fall back.

4. Oh Johnny boy, I have mad love for your music and your generous heart, but I have no love for your barber. Boo, what was going on with the hairline? As a part of the contract you have worked out with your Beard (the gorgeous woman on his arm), she should have told you to get that fixed.

5. Mr. Anderson, you are neither light skinned nor rocking the wavy so please don't put yourself in the same category as El Debarge. And speaking of, who was expecting that comeback? As I said last night, Whitney should have been on that cheap ish like the Debarge's because homeboy looked good and sounded more than decent.

6. Debra Lee you need a new speech writer and stylist. #thatsall

7. Shame on BET for the commemoration of Gary Coleman and Lena Horne.

8. Tyrese - please sing again. You did Teddy P. good last night although I was mad that the no names in the front were too stank to stand up.

9. Alicia, Alicia, Alicia - hair dyed, stripper shoes, non-maternity attire. NO NO and NO.

10. First time i've ever seen Nicki Minaj's face - no comment.



10. STANDING EFFING OVATION for my Puma crush (i'm not old enough to be a cougar). Chris Brown deserved to be on the stage last year and every other stage that paid tribute to the greatest. Most people know I never stopped supporting Chris because my sentiment is (WARNING: I DO NOT SUPPORT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT ALL, BUT) sometimes a B*^$# just needs to be beat. It's such a long story on why I feel that way, but this isn't about that. This is about a very young man who made a mistake, a really big mistake, but a young man who deserves to still be recognized for the God-given talent he possesses. I wanted to cry with him and for him as he tried to get the words out to "Man in the mirror" - it was so heartfelt and I couldn't help but feel proud of him. Yes, I'm team breezy all the way unlike you fair weather fans who decided to jump back on ship after last night. His skill, talent, and entertainment value never left - what left was the world's understanding that we build these child stars up only to break them down.

I didn't catch the Prince tribute, but I did kinda watch Drake um, not sure what to call it because he is so not a performer, but that, yeah, I saw that.

Remembering Michael

June 25, 2009

I left work early to finish some last minute errands. I still needed a black clutch and some eyelash glue, haha. Bet, there was a Dots right next to the beauty supply store. (yes, to my surprise Dots is still in business.) That statement alone should let you know that I was living in the heart of Detroit at this time.

I got home with a few minutes to spare before I needed to take off for the airport. Vegas was awaiting my arrival.

It had only been two weeks since my surgery so I still wasn't moving that fast. I threw the final items in my luggage and started checking Twitter. And there they were...

My tweeps were saying that Michael Jackson was in the hospital. The KING OF POP was in critical condition. I immediately sat on my bed and turned on the TV - it couldn't be true.

My parents generation remember John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X. Well, I remember exactly where I was when I heard the tragedies of Tupac, Aaliyah and Michael Jackson.

Everything was still speculation as my father drove me to the airport. I couldn't even think about what was to come with my first trip to Vegas because all I wanted to know was - was he alive.

Twitter was saying yes...but I was holding out until CNN confirmed. I refused to believe my beloved micro-blogging haven.

But by the time I passed thru security and walked toward my gate, it was all too apparent. Every TV in the airport was covering THE DEATH OF MICHAEL JACKSON.

I distinctly remember one janitor, who looked like he had just lost his brother, he was overwhelmed with sadness and looked at me and sad, "sis, I can't believe it."

Arriving in Vegas was a bitter sweet moment. Impersonators were out and MJ music was blaring. It was very nostalgic.

How about you, do you remember the time?

Few and Far Between

WARNING...this is a long one.




This is a photo from June 5, 2009 that ran in Grand Rapids newspaper about Kentwood's Hamilton Elementary school closing. The lady in the white shirt is the principal, but back in 19XX she was my fifth grade teacher.

We meet thousands if not millions of people throughout our lifetime, but very few leave a profound impression. Cindy Charles did that for me.

My mom and I had relocated from SE Michigan to Grand Rapids, MI and I started the fifth grade at Hamilton. It was a nightmare from day 1. I was an opinionated, smart, kinda dorky, SUBURBAN girl plopped down in a majority black school. ***CULTURE SHOCK***

As usual, the boys liked me and the girls hated me. I had one female friend...Cashmere (yes, that was really her name...I wonder what happened to her. FB search taking place now). I was teased for not talking black enough, for getting good grades, and for having above average size boobs at age 10.

I was completely miserable, but Mrs. Charles was my saving grace. I'll never forget the talks she had with me and the confidence she ensued in me. She cared. She taught me. She taught me life lessons and school lessons. I will forever be grateful to her for her kind words and compassionate heart. She was the only reason I was sad to leave GR the next year.

I don't know why, but I started thinking about her this week. I found the photo at the top when I Googled her name to see what she was up to these days. (The last contact I had with her was when I graduated high school).

I think I'll send her a card...just to say Thank You!

I don't know what's going on with my heart, but my head is mos def thinking about those that have gotten me to where I am today (not literally, we don't want to think about those who got me to this cubicle - temping at a marketing firm).

Up next...a couple of Topics

Andy and Amy Topic (and Jack)

Andy (I only called him Topic) was my high school journalism teacher and Amy, well Amy was the assistant principal's secretary and assistant track coach, but probably better described as one of my best friends.

Given Topic's title, it's obvious where our connection was...writing/newspaper. He was a nerd who wore the most ol' school glasses and tried to be a stern teacher (It just wasn't happenin'). So when I found out he was crushing on the new secretary...I was all over the gossip. He was always tight lipped, but Amy spilled everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

I spent most days sitting in the corner behind her desk, crying, laughing, ditching class, and dreaming about my future after Andover High School.

The two got married, bought a fixer-upper in Royal Oak and soon after she was knocked up. If I wasn't bugging Topic about which J-school to apply for, I was def bugging Amy about my infatuation with Ryan (HS bf). They were my homies. Homies that I thought would be around for my college graduation, my wedding and when I had lil ones.

To my surprise, I was awakened one morning while in my dorm at Mizzou to my bff Rasha crying hysterically. Topic was dead. At 30 years old, he died in his sleep from a heart attack after a night of playing his fave sport...baseball.

I was distraught and a 10 hour drive away from home. But it didn't matter. I packed up my Jetta the next morning and drove back to the OC. I needed to see Amy.

It was one of hardest losses I've ever experienced.

Fast forward 10 months. Rasha and I are babysitting baby Jack (3 years old now) while Amy prepares the house for her bday party. We tuck him in and tell her we'll talk later.

The next morning Rasha calls me hysterical. Amy was dead. The night before her party she ate Thai food and because of her peanut allegery her throat closed.

Rasha and I were the last ones to see her alive.

I still can't believe both of them are gone and that lil Jack and Amy's other 2 children would grow up without them. They were fun-loving, amazing people.

People that I will never forget.

effing FMA

This is how I feel right now, but it has nothing to do with a man.

My fibromyalgia is killing me today. I really just wish I could fade away from this cubicle and go curl up somewhere. I should have known today would be rough considering I didn't sleep at all last night.

In case you don't know anyone with FMA....it blows especially now that I'm a contractor paid hourly. I need a damn sick day right NOW.

5pm - I need you.